Hana
Mohammad
deactivated
Thank you for joining us to celebrate the life of our loving Hana. We will miss Hana’s laughter, smile, and unconditional love for all her friends and family. Thank you for helping us carry on Hana’s memory today and forever. ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| A further explanation “Why” - Honestly I have been done with this life for a while. I have had a plan since 12/31/19. You can thank Romeo for interrupting that plan. From then on out I kept looking for opportunities where my death would be the least inconvenient. I didn’t’ want to be in season for soccer because I didn’t want parents to have to explain it to their children. Now I’m facing the same with working in the school system. That’s why I have to do it now. I wanted to do it earlier in the weekend but I needed a cashier's check and Labor Day messed up those plans. I know everyone would say why would you want to die? You make such a positive impact in the community, in the world. But at what cost? I know I’m blessed to be financially stable, nice house, great job. However, I cry every night and every morning on my way to work. I love that I’m skilled at my job and can fulfill “my purpose” but what if I wasn’t meant for this world. I’ve tried explaining this to loved ones, coworkers, friends, therapists and no one gets it. I don’t fit into this world. My purpose is being a school counselor but the system is so fucked that I hate being in it. Why do BIPOC folx have to be the ones to be miserable while the system “changes.” The system has talked about changing the decades but there is only talk and surface level, performative actions. This world is filled with so much racism, discrimination, prejudice, and bias that children aren’t able to be safe and loved at schools where they are mandated to be? I thought after the murder of Philando Castile that I was deflated and hopeless, but this past few years working in the schools just shows all these systems are designated for only certain people to succeed, the harm caused doesn’t matter to the people who built the system and leading it now. So what is the point of living? All I ever wanted was to be a mother. How can I do that when the school system isn’t meant for children to be safe and loved. How can I feel safe having a black partner when Philando was murdered for no reason. When we had to watch George Floyd be executed over a “$20 bill.” I know Black people are exhausted from screaming at the top of their lungs that BLACK LIVES MATTER! I am exhausted as an Ally. Being ½ white I’ve been trying to be part of the solution since the broken systems are a white problem but white people don’t want to admit it. So as a BIPOC I am exhausted. I have no hope this world is going to get better. I also am exhausted by the society that social media has created and the values of people today. Trying to find people to surround me with (friends and a significant other) is really difficult. I am easily annoyed when people don’t give me the same energy, the same treatment I would give them. I tried to stop going above and beyond for those around me but it is ingrained in who I am. I blame my mom. She is always willing to help anyone in need, even if it’s sacrificing something for herself. I just wasn’t made for this world. I’m not 2021 material. I have old-school morals/values. People who don’t follow morals and values are winning and that’s defeating. People are too inconsiderate and selfish for me. Life isn’t meant to be lived alone. So what’s the point of living if you have no one to share it with? We share things on social media to feel like we have people who care about what’s going on. I know I am “loved” but it’s not enough to keep going. I have no hope that this world will be kind. I have no hope that this world will stop prioritizing unhealthy habits, broken systems, racist/prejudice/discriminatory ways. Why would I continue living in this world? Why would I watch people have children when that’s what I want but know it selfish of me to bring children into this fucked up world. Billionaires can go to space but there are still people who don’t have clean water. Being an empath, this world is too exhausting. I can’t keep having the same conversations, witnessing police brutality over and over, watching “Karens” in the school system and in the world. I can’t keep getting to know people, developing friendships with people who aren’t trustworthy aren’t morally sound. What did Einstein say? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results…. That’s the thing I know there won’t be different results. That is why I am done! Love, Hana
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