2018-04-18 22:45:21 wrote:

Hon, We have had a very long weather. It's already April and we are still like it was fall to winter. This season has been altogether lousy. If we got one day of sunny and warm day, it's a dream come true. I went to my doctor yesterday. Had a EKG done in the office. I had palpitations while sitting in the waiting room. To be truthful, it scared me. I felt warm, out of breath and wobbly. Never had that kind of feelings. That's why they did a EKG. It tuned out good. No problem. Then I had blood wok done. I might get the results today or tomorrow. It's been awhile for my blood work. He just wants to cover everything to find out why I had them. I thought maybe anxiety but then I wasn't anxious. My blood pressure was high too. t went down somewhat but still high. I took my blood pressure at home and after while it was my normal. Even now I don't feel quite right. Don't worry.. You know I will get to the reason why it happened. I made a deal with the doctor last year for only 6 months between the next appointment instead every 3 months. I am not happy here being alone. Very lonely. Fact of the matter when the kids are here I feel alone. They don't talk to me much and Tracey is the same. They have been able to put your death behind them. I try to adapt. Time goes by long. Actually I feel abandoned. Self-pity.... I need for you to pray for me. to ask Jesus to give me comfort and good feelings. I am in a roller coaster mode. Some of the deep falls scare me. It's true that one never forgets the lost of a loved one especially a man you have lived and loved with for 50 years plus. Our wedding anniversary was just a week or so ago. It would have been 54 years. I can't handle this. I am not strong. It will probably this way until my last death. I hoped for a future. You know, to go on. I don't feel that way anymore cause I have tried over and over. That's why I am asking you to pray for me. I'm all worn out.. I love you Poopsey. Geri